The Unfortunate Cycle

In a conversation with a girl I met in a dance club last night I discovered the unfortunate truth about a cycle of the desire to explore and the means of getting there.

I’d like to share the thought with whoever is out there and willing to listen.

While introducing each other I was asked the classic questions of what I’d like to study after the army and if I’d like to return to my home town afterwards or if I’d like to study and make a life for myself in the country which I currently serve.

Studies and traveling, we agreed, are very similar in the following way. The more one studies, the more he wants to study. With every newly learned subject or topic, one is only motivated and interested in learning more. And similarly when one travels, he would only desire to see and explore more. 

With this realization, the following g problem became clear; to travel and study you need money – a lot of money. And, unless someone is hiding an awesome job where you can travel and study at the same time, you need to settle down in a place and a job to make money. 

So yes, I guess you can try be positive and say that  you can study things that interest you and travel to places which amaze you during your yearly work breaks. But the unfortunate cycle is undeniable.

The more we see and learn, the more we want but no matter how strong the will is, it is almost impossible to achieve without settling, for at least a little while, to make enough money to allow you to fulfil that rich urge to taste all the sweetness that our world has to offer.

So unless one of you out there are willing to sponsor my studies and travels, in which case I’d say thank you very much, take the girl from the club on a trip around the world and stop with all this rambling, I guess I’m going to have to start coming up with an answer to her question of what I want to study and where I want to settle.

The Unanswered 


The Man

Now that you know the reason, I feel fitting to give a small description about myself. I have not yet decided if I want to reveal all my details but to get to know who I am through a basic outline seems like the right way to go.
I am 21 years old.

I grew up in an amazing home with my two parents, an older brother and two younger sisters.

I had a happy school career and left home at the age of 20 to join the military of another country. I’m still not always sure how this decision was made as I was never the aggressive, athletic or strong kid on the block but rather the scared, emotional and sensitive one.

But that I’ll be sure to discuss in detail in a post later on.

Besides that, I love music and Disney and Disney music. I love food and would love to learn to better my cooking skills. I love people and making friends and discussing deep ideas with the people I love.

I am very open minded and try and stay positive as best as I can. 
I also see myself as an outsider sometimes.

Most times.

And feel that I think and see the world differently to most people. But then I take a step back and realize that we probably all feel that way. Right?

I don’t know if anyone will ever even read this but if anyone is out there, I hope you don’t feel like I’m wasting your time.

The Man

The Reason

Why am I here?

Why am I here?

Not in the deep, soul searching way but simply, why did I download this application and start writing this morning?

Earlier this week in a ‘breaking the ice’ activity, I was asked the question, “What is your greatest fear?”

As we went around the circle people said things like spiders, lightning and even fruit. One person said specifically bananas and another, fruit in general!

I was shocked.

I said hights, so that I would seem easy going and maybe not as complex and deep as I am. People tend to do stupid things like that; lie about who they really are in order to fit into their social group or their surroundings.

I do it too. And that is the reason why I am here. 

I am here to fight my biggest fear – to be forgotten. I don’t wish to pursue fame or make a huge change in the world rather on a smaller, more personal scale. I don’t want my thoughts or memories to disappear with time, as I feel like most good thoughts and memories do..

I hope that this will be a place where I can write and let my feelings out. A place where I can bring order to the thoughts in my head and express the validation behind my actions. A place where I can tell stories, both those of people who I cross and my own. 

So I’m not sure how this all works but I hope that it turns out well and I hope that you enjoy it.

The Thinker